The Shift

I am now finding myself at an interesting part of life.  I call it "the shift." I have spent the last 10 years bringing children into this world. During those 10 years I didn't dare think about "the shift." It made me a bit crazy.  I had defined myself by my child baring.  It was what I was here to do; bring children into the world. I remember the beginning of this journey wondering how many children we would have.  People think we are crazy for having 6 children.  Sometimes I think so too. I would love to say it was all wonderful, but that would by an outright lie.  I HATED being pregnant more than anyone I dare say.  But the rewards have been countless. I love them so dearly!  They bless my life every day! 

The decision to stop having children has been so difficult.  Not that my sanity or body would allow me any more children, but I just want to do what my Father in Heaven sent me here to do.  So again, here I am at "the shift."  Yes, I still have an infant, and nobody has left the house just yet.. but now my focus has changed.  That is the part I have found the most interesting, let me explain.  The last 10 years have been devoted to diapers, feeding, potty training, walking, meeting their demands they couldn't meet themselves.  I do that a bit still, but it is changing.  Now it is helping with self esteem and spiritual development.  Now it is teaching them the Gospel and preparing for baptism.  Now it is solidifying who they are and discovering who they want to become.  My problem with all this is that I have forgotten who I want to become!  I have let go of who I am by defining myself by them.  Make sense?  But not anymore. I began a new blog that I am using to redefine myself.  After all, how can I help them discover who they are, if I don't know who I am?

I am very excited for this shift.  I am excited to not be blinded by the small demands that babies require, and to watch my children learn and grow.