I never thought we would end up with six children! After four I could have been satisfied, but we felt perhaps Zachary would like a brother. Luckily Aiden was a boy and we could be done! Except that this little angel did not want to be forgotten.
Before I delivered Aiden I knew we still had another sweet little girl wanting to come. I tried so hard to shake the feeling as I did NOT want to be pregnant again. I am pretty sure nobody hates being pregnant more than me. When they handed Aiden over to me I smiled,and then I cried. I did not get that "all done feeling" like I had hoped I would. The next few months were an emotional roller coaster as I tried to come to accept the fact that we had yet another waiting to come. Finally I gave in and we got pregnant.
At that point I was quite excited but I miscarried that one and it all started over again. Maybe we really were done. Maybe I was wrong about these feelings, maybe they were my own fear of making a mistake. The emotional roller coaster was longer and had many more twists and turns. I was part of a singing group and did not want to be pregnant during the holiday season when we would be performing. I didn't have time to have a baby before then. I tried to plan and arrange so everything would be just right but nothing was going as I wanted it to.
After many months I came to the realization that this little child would be a gift. That the Lord had a plan and it wasn't up to me to create my own plan. We got pregnant and I would be in the thick of it right in the middle of the Christmas season, just as I was trying so hard to avoid. But I was determined to enjoy singing and performing regardless of the discomfort and embarrassment I may feel. It was a wonderful time as I was surrounded by amazing friends.
After Christmas time seemed to stand still. I had just 1 and 1/2 months left, but they were the longest months of my life so far. I quickly began feeling uncomfortable and the depression I always have sunk in. I began feeling like she would never come. I began praying that the baby would come, much sooner than I knew it should come. I started to feel almost angry that those prayers weren't being answered. I knew that the Lord had a plan. For several nights I had false labor for several hours. Each morning I would wake up angry that the baby didn't come... then I would find someone in my household was ill. We had everything you can get sick with going on at once! It seemed to go on and on and on!! I was grateful she was nestled inside during that time.
BUT the blessed day did come. Even though we were still dealing with illness, my body could not keep her anymore. Her labor and delivery were average, nothing out of the ordinary. She has been such a blessing. She is mostly content and calm, and so adorable! I have felt so much gratitude since she has been born! We have had such an outpouring of love and help from friends and family.
So, our family is finally complete. It feels great to know that little angel is finally here. We got to use that sweet name, and it fits her so well. Welcome to our family Elise!
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